Australian disses The Jokerr

Free mp3 download: http://www.reverbnation.com/niboswald

For The Jokerr's I "Dare You To Diss Me" competition.
http://www.youtube.com/thejokerrhq

[INTRO:]
As I... continued even more...
to escape the labyrinthian dungeon of the Impaler...
I entered yet another enchanted forest... by the ramparts of the...
battlement... drawbridge... forsooth.
The elder scrolls, uh, spaketh... of the minotaur's oubliette...
awaiting me oe'r yonder realms...
*
[JOKERR SPOOF:]
I've written a rap, spitting it fast
Syllables dribble as spittle is spat
A pitiful rhythmic lyrical interlude smitten with Middle Earth literal maps
Cobblestones, goblins, baubles on bobble hats
Hobbits and goblets in audible couplets
A joker, a jester, a josher, a japer
Who's draped in a cape like Snape on a caper
Tighten my wound cables
Writing renowned fables
Fight in the ground stable
Knights of the round table
Why aint I able to ever sign with a sound label?
A schmuck with a goatee
I should go suck on a Throatie...
*
So it's been purported Jokerr is a word rhyme jester
Mother must've snorted coke through her third trimester
Neat threads... you look sharp as your Bite Marks' teeth edge
But I hedge bets you'll need a wreath like Heath Ledger
Now you're shitting bricks, I prob'ly reckon
Cuz I'm lubing up for Shizzy Sixx's sloppy seconds
Busy mixing tracks for your single-copy records?
Stick to wizard robes, man, a better hobby beckons
*
You're sad and repugnant, so pungent we're gagging
We're done with you rapping, take up Dungeons & Dragons
Stay underground, silk rags grungy and haggard
Dressed as Bilbo Baggins, bragging tongue still a-waggin'
Truncheons and flagons, flags, Munchkins and wagons
You tote so much torchwood, you must love flaming faggots...
Your fame is stagnant, you suck at this, jerk
Attract negative hits like magnets: "How do they work?"
*
Getting trumped now, I'm the wild card here
You're a dumbarse in pyjamas, reviled tard queer
Your style is last year... if this were 1545
You're the sole customer keeping the silkworm industry alive
Spend pennies on pantaloons, flannel and pendants
Renaissance Fair called... you're banned from attendance
Your little page has pitifully-made clown disguises
You aint Middle Ages, more like a midlife crisis
*
Quit dressing like a Jedi Knight
I'll give your black eye a black eye, your red eye flight
"Give Me Your Eyes"... such mediaeval media, Jokerr
(Sorry, that was a typo, I mean to say 'mediocre')
Your backup dancers all wear masks and hoods
So they can still hope for a career path afterwards
I can't tell if those songs that you modulated
Are throat nodules grating or you're just constipated
*
Look at you whoring hits in harlot mascara
Biting other rappers like some hungry Scarlett O'Hara
The horror the horror, you're so boring we're snoring
Like a fat white Dora the Explorer touring the forest
Say you'll collab with the rapper who's the "rawest"
And say we should "come at you" in our performance?
Sounds like you want us nude - I thought that a gauntlet
Was being tossed, not you tossing us off for a porn clip
*
Relax man, take some R & R
Like your trademarked name, Jokerr™, har-dee-har
You start with Argyle, soon you're marching past
Your nuddy bar in a sparkly bra at Mardi Gras
I drop gay jokes 'cause to mock a clown kingdom
Feels akin to swinging on a kid with Down Syndrome
From Harley Quinn puns to cloaks and your broke income
It's funny that still not every Jokerr diss joke has been done
*
Your act's so awful, don't plug your show
Your glass aint half-full, yo, you Jug-a-low
Every day wake up caked up in your sister's make up
Lay off the Faygo, your tits are breaking out her A-cup
I blaze the place with every phrase I race
Make like some Baby Wipes, Jokker... save your face
Or I'll dress up in chain mail, wave a mace
And at your wake, play your disgraceful take of Amazing Grace
*
Your best bet to make it in rap? You guessed it
Don't dress up as a jester with a chess set
Who wants to watch an intro where you sprint slow
2 minutes go past, the winter snow has grown an inch, yo
You always claim you run from an Impaler
More like a sailor's ship of Japanese whalers
To cover your waistline really bothers your tailor
He has to borrow fabric from the carnival trailer
*
Heavens above, I spit with clever rapport
You just never perform this awesomely whenever you roar
I'll lever your door apart, enter, sever your jaw
And you'll sound better with a death rattle than Ever Before
I've merked ya, murdered this nerd court jester
Swept you off your feet with your own mock sceptre
Smack the Puck, I pity the Fool, one foot in the grave
Now get the fucking Gravediggers in here to put him away
*
"Yaaaaarrrrrgh, curse you, Nib Oswald!"
*
Why so furious?"

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